Posted by Caring Dad on July 22, 2001 at 10:38:10:
You ask a lot of good questions, and you seem like a concerned parent, and an intelligent person. However, you have already made a huge mistake by moving out of your home; move back in immediately, sleep in the basement if necessary, avoid confrontation, and do not leave your home for any reason unless the police escort you. Please read our entire FAQ section, about this and moving. I also live in CA, and did block a move away of my then 18 month old. It can happen, but it will be expensive, and you need to set your ducks up better. You have one big strike against you already. If you can agree with your X (and you trust that she will comply and honor the agreement), then agree to her suggestions. Put it in writing, have lawyers review it, and make sure that you add protective clauses like "if either party violates the order, they will pay all legal fees of the other, and custody of child shall automotically revert to the other" The problem with these type agreements as you suggest, is not only the practical difficulty, but the court won't compel your X to honor it. Once she gets to NY, she could file for modification, claiming economic hardship, or the traveling is too stressful for the child, anything. Then, it is likely the court will grant biomom whatever she wants unless you can show the court serious documentation, such as these protective clauses. No informal agreement is valid until signed by a judge. If you are still married, and no custody papers are filed, either of you can take the child anywhere at any time in theory (but in practice, she can, but you can't). The courts are very biased in favor of the custodial parent, or presumed custodial parent, 90% of whom are the mother. MOst courts therefore just make the assumption that mom is hte CP. If you have a moveaway case pending, you have to convince the court that mom is not the CP, or she will likely be granted her move. You can't convince the court she isn't the CP if you are living away from the "established custodial environment." Listen, I could go on for a long time about this, but I will ask you to please do some reading for me first. Read the entire FAQ section, and some of the old threads on this board about moving (a couple weeks ago slcdad lost his kid to a move). Moving is a common theme, and we have discussed it many times in detail on this board, I don't have time to repeat all that. Understand the four part test, and the dozen factors used in assigning custody. Understand the operative caselaw in CA (Burgess shifted the burden of proof from cp to ncp; and Biallas further clarified that ruling stating that even if the decree says joint everything, the parent who has the greater timeshare is hte de facto CP and has the presumed right to move), Read the family code in the CA links, and visit some of the other links too, especially if there are false accusations, PAS, domestic violence, abuse, or any other number of dirty tricks. But before you do any of this reading, you should move back into your home. don't be surprised if the locks are changed; if they are, you can take that as a sign that you will see the inside of a courtroom shortly. Remember, there is no decree right now, so even if she calls the cops, they can't really do anything yet. Just make sure you are very calm in talking to them; don't give them a reason to arrest you. Also, remember the courts are extremely biased, more than you could ever imagine. To call them kangaroo courts is to confer upon them a dignity they don't deserve. Only the kangaroos win, and they don't even bother reading what you write in protest much of the time, or so it seems. Logic and reason are completely lacking, and most of the decisions handed down by the court will seem to you insanely wrong. Don't worry, they do this to all presumed or actual NCP, most of whom had the misfortune of walking into court wearing a penis. Please do the homework, and keep us posted. Your situation is very serious, and you must take corrective action immediately, or it will only get worse. MOve back into your home, and tape all conversations if necessary. Good Luck.