In reference to your plan above...
My STBX is so eager to move, I may be able to get her to agree to 50/50 or maybe even slightly more time for me.
My problem is this: If she moves and even if we have joint physical or even if I am CP, how do I ensure she will pay for the transportation especially if she doesn't have a job in NY? She says she will have relatives pay but I don't think that this would be enforceable.
Plus, we know about NY 6 month residency requirements and how a NY court could overturn any CA declarations.
Plus, I can't get past the trauma we will be inflicting on our son. He is only 17 months old, doesn't even talk yet so we can't explain, and the constant travel and being left by each parent at various times during the year will probably make him feel abandoned over and over.
Maybe these are psychological questions that are best answered elsewhere but any feedback you could provide would be appreciated.
I am having a terrible time switching mediators because the family court needs to have my attorney act on my behalf. But my attorney is HORRIBLE at returning phone calls and only a little better returning email. I think I could do better on my own and should have just gotten a para-legal. I may need to switch attorneys, we'll see. It is VERY frustrating. The joys of the legal system. There's gotta be a light at the end of this tunnel.
Anyway, maybe if I seek sole custody, my wife would back down and cancel her move. It seems highly unlikely that I would be granted sole custody, but just in case, I'm trying to up my portion of the timeshare.
I suppose I could be being unreasonable because since my wife and I are both (unfortunately?) fit parents, there is really no real way to avoid the travel aspect of the equation because whether or not my wife is CP or even joint, she still has the constitutional right to move. I don't think I would get sole custody unless a judge were to decide that moving with a child to a disaster area with no job lined up was irresponsible.
So to recap..since I'm really just rambling now...
A) since my wife moved out, our de facto custody arrangement right now is I am NCP (shhh, don't tell anyone)
B) as CP, her constitutional right to move supercedes the rights of my child and me (NCP) to be together
C) if I up my timeshare from say 33% to 51% than I could seek sole custody status (unlikely to be granted but just for the sake of conversation)
D) I could inhibit travel and resultant trauma for child, but then trauma would exist due to lack of mother in his life
E) maybe ex would back down and cancel move? but if she doesn't...
F) we're back to the travel issues and how to pay for them and even ensure they are fulfilled (especially with NY courts waiting to take over case) My attorney says that we would put in agreement that CA would retain jurisdiction but it seems to me that NY 6 month residency laws could still go into effect.
Basically what I guess I am getting at, assuming you're not blinded from reading all of this is...
I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO GET SCREWED
NO MATTER WHAT!
Because...
Even best case scenario...
I am granted sole custody. I can't keep my son from his mother so unless she calls off the move, he's going to be shuttled back and forth. There is just no way around it.
I think the only alternative is to go to court and somehow bluff that I am seeking sole custody.
Let me know if you still think the idea included in "if you remember what your parents did"
would work given this great a geographical distance.
Thanks.