I want to start a discussion about the contributions made by “others” to the alienation from our children so many of us non-resident parents have suffered. Although our ex.’s may have been the primary cause of the relationship with our child breaking down, and it couldn’t have happened without their hostility towards us manifesting itself in the child, others were involved too.
For example:-
Who submitted statements to the courts in opposition to your continued contact with your child?
In my case it was:-
My ex. (a ‘no brainer’ that one).
Her new partner/husband (ditto).
The mother-in-law
New partner’s parents
New partner's brother
The local librarian
The local librarian’s wife
You may be wondering about the significance of the librarian and his wife. They said a few months before writing their statements they had witnessed my daughter returning home from a contact visit and ‘looking stressed’ or some such impression. However these two statements were withdrawn by my ex.’s legal representatives before being presented to court, (my ex. having first presented her statements to my lawyer without legal assistance). I put the appearance of “stress” down to my daughter’s dislike of nosey neighbours in her house, because, with a few exceptions, that were in the very early days of my ten years of contact, my daughter wasn’t stressed by/during contact.
Anyway I hope a few people will come forward to list the individuals who opposed their continuing a relationship with their own child, on whatever grounds. I am told that the Holocaust couldn’t have occurred or been as efficient if members of the public in Germany had not come forward to the authorities to report Jews in the neighbourhood.
I don’t mean to offend anyone by comparing the two situations, because the terror created by Nazism must have made many people do unforgivable things. Our ex.’s may have become “bitches from hell” but I do not think their influence on their neighbours is similar to that, pervasive though the effects on our child may have been.
I look forward to whatever comments you have to make.
ATB, Graham