Our kids begged her not to go, but she did it anyway. I could never have done what she did, or so I believe, not wearing her shoes.
I went through a phase that started with sympathy for the kids, then anger and disgust against x, then on to a phase of happiness to get rid of her and to be over with the parenting time issues, then to an acceptance that I don't understand my x, but shouldn't try to judge. Finally, I ended up where I started: feeling sad for the kids, but trying to make it as good as possible on them.
There are some people who have moved away from their kids on this board, and I can see their resentment against you. My advice is to get over your anger. She loves her husband just as my x loves her father and sister. It is her life and they are her decisions. Respect that and don't try to fit it into what YOU would or would not do.
I do respect your empathy for your stepchildren, however, and you have every right and reason to feel the pain your husband is feeling for his children. Please understand that there is a lot of suffering and a lot of torn, hurt feelings involved in divorce. Then do try to be a factor that makes things a little bit better.
So I agree with my friends on this message board who tell you not to judge the mother. She loves her husband as she should. I disagree with my fellow posters when they tell you that you should not feel empathy for the family YOU love, but I think they may be reacting out of some bitterness of their own.
I encourage posters on both sides of this divide to attempt to understand that the sufferings that come from divorce can be very very hard on everybody involved...
...not just because of the hate involved, but because of the love.