Hello! After reading some of the advice that was posted on here, I have decided that going back to the lawyer is my best option at this point. The day after Thanksgiving, I asked my son if he had fun with daddy the day before. He said, "No fun. No daddy. I scared." and then broke out in tears. Now, in general, my son crying was upsetting to me, but I thought perhaps he was just being a bit dramatic or didn't understand the question. I asked him why he was scared and he told me a long, confusing story about something that happened in the car. The was part 1. Part 2 came when my son's father's parents visited us yesterday (the people they were supposed to spend thanksgiving with) and they told me that he never showed up with my son that day. I haven't heard from him since he dropped him off. And, I don't plan on calling him in order to start a fight. I am instead, choosing to go see the lawyer and having a contract written up that dictates a plan for visitation and child support. The girlfriend is a non-issue to me. I don't love this man and do not want to be with him. In all honesty, I feel quite sorry for her, as I can see the path she is on, having been there myself. The issue I do have, is that she is not a responsible person. The relationship she has with him is very unstable - been together 3+ months and broken up for one of them. Also, he has been in a residential rehab the entire time they've been together with the exception of the one week they met - in which, he was in relapse, and they met in a bar.
I could even put all that aside. The reason I brought it up, is that my son's father only randomly sees my son, and I really think it's a bit ridiculous that he would be bringing someone else into the picture to form a bond with our son, when he has yet to do that himself. My son only learned to call him daddy about 3 months ago, and had no idea who he was before that. And, that was after hours of me showing him a picture and teaching him, "This is daddy." (he 2, will be 3 in february).
Are my concerns genuine? I really think they are. I have taken alot of time to really think about all this and have worked incredibly hard to take away all the emotions, and look at in logically. If he wants to be here and have a relationship with his son, I don't have a problem with that, but it needs to be supervised and it should be regulated. I have been attending Nar-anon meetings (dealing with addicted loved ones) for the past year, and have been learning how to let go of my anger and resentment. I no longer feel that way towards him, I only feel sadness for him, and frustration with the situation, and incredibly disappointed with the way my son is being treated. I know I have been too nice in the past, but I do not want to be vengeful. Are these requests reasonible?
Regular (pre-scheduled) weekly visits (or an amount that he feels comfortable) that are supervised (he can choose a person if he is in opposition to that person being me)in my son's home (he cannot have visitors where he is, and all of his close family live at least an hour away). And, 17% of his gross income (The state standard).
I'm sure we can work out the details with the lawyer, but am I at least on the right track?
