Mr. Hesive cited Ericson’s years of loyalty to the product as a deciding factor including the pounds of paste Ericson consumed as an adolescent right up to his glue sniffing days as a young adult. The final decision was made after reviewing Ericson’s most recent cut and paste campaign on bulletin boards across the internet. Mr. Hesive noted that this campaign resulted in increased production of the product which has, in turn, driven up profit margins and stock prices for the company.
The Company also announced that it will scrap its traditional Elmer the bull logo for a new Eric the pig logo. This change will also include a photograph of the products namesake. In return, Ericson has included in his Will a provision to donate his remains to the Company for processing at their Boston glue processing plant. Ericson has made arrangements for his carcass to be transported on the bed of his girlfriend’s pickup truck. Ericson issued a statement to the press indicating that he is pleased that his remains will bring joy to thousands of children who will enjoy gluing their arts and crafts with him.
In related developments, Ericson preempted the announcement by the Borden Company by filing for copyright protection. From now on any person saying “I am Rubber; You are Eric. . ." will be required to pay $1.00 to Ericson as a licensing fee.