I am writing this letter because I feel it is my last hope to fight for my rights as a father to be a part of my nine year old daughter’s life. My ex-wife, Nicole and I met in an adult oriented club in Minneapolis ten years ago where she was employed as a dancer and me as a disc jockey. After she got pregnant and we were married, we relocated to Houston, TX. During our marriage she had violent outbursts, once even trying to smash my head in with a fireplace poker. She left me with our six month old daughter to be with another man. She went months without calling or seeing our daughter and I had no idea where she was. I filed for divorce and she did not contest and I was granted custody out of default. A short time thereafter, she contested it and a new hearing was granted. She was then granted custody of our daughter and moved to Waco, TX where her Father and Step-mother live. After a couple of months, she voluntarily gave up custody to her Father and Step-mother and began using drugs. She rarely saw our daughter by her own choice and when she did see her, she brought her around several drug dealers and criminals.
After she tried to tell yet another man she was pregnant with his child, when in fact she wasn’t, her step-mother kicked her out of the house. She moved back to Minnesota with her Mother and began dancing and using drugs again. Our daughter remained in Waco with her Father and Step-mother and I kept visitation on a regular basis. Time went on with Nicole always being predictable; she rarely took the initiative to call and rarely chose to see our daughter. It was then that I learned from Nicole’s Step-mother that she had been diagnosed with a personality disorder, which even her own mother thought was Bi-Polar, and that she had pulled a knife on her Mother and attempted suicide 8 times.
In 2003, I was given a trial period by my daughter’s grandparents for custody for seven months. This is when my ex-wife sued for custody. We went before the judge in Waco and I never got a chance to tell my side or defend myself. The judge said that because of my employment as a disc jockey in a strip club, he was apprehensive about even giving me my summer visit, which was ridiculous because I had standard visitation for eight years with no problems. My attorney then decided that she no longer wanted to represent me one week before the final hearing. I felt I had no choice but to agree to my ex-wife having custody. She swore that she had changed and would do right by our daughter, and I really wanted to believe her for our daughter’s sake.
Here I am a year and a half later, and she has done nothing but harass me, our daughter and the rest of our family. My daughter is in a constant state of tension in that home and I feel helpless. People say that a man is weak if he shows emotion, but how can you not be emotional when your child is being emotionally abused. My ex-wife’s husband is a twice convicted felon for residential burglary and possession of Methamphetamine with intent to deliver, which I did not know about until after the hearing.
We moved to Minnesota to be closer to my daughter. As soon as we arrived the harassment on my family got even worse than before. Nicole started telling my daughter that we did not own our house and that we were lying to her. She constantly asked her if my wife and I were fighting, if we had jobs yet, if we were recording the phone calls, etc. My Ex-wife has put a restraining order on my new wife and my mother. She tried to put a restraining order on my wife on behalf of my daughter, and when that wasn’t granted, she put one on me to make me keep my wife away from my daughter. The accusations used to get these orders are false. She waited two weeks, until the morning I was supposed to have my weekend visitation to file the first orders so that I could not get my daughter that weekend, and then waited two more weeks and did the same thing.
The worst thing about the second orders is that I was not even served. I called my ex-wife’s attorney at her advisement and was told that there was a temporary orders hearing in two hours. I lived an hour and a half away; there was no way I would have made it in time. I still don’t have a copy of the orders, only the court saying that there are orders in effect and that I have to get a copy from her attorney. Her attorney refuses to return my calls. I have since moved back to Texas in hopes that the harassment would decrease. I missed my Thanksgiving visit because I could not leave my wife and my other daughter on Thanksgiving and I was told by my ex-wife that I could not take my daughter out of the state of Minnesota. I will see her at Christmas, but my Wife and other daughter must stay in Texas.
This is tearing my family apart and I feel that because I am a man I have no value in the eyes of the law. I do not have the money that Nicole’s Mother supplies her with. All of the attorneys I have spoken with want between $4000 and $10,000. I am not a rich man. I am simply a Father who loves his child and feels that he has nowhere left to turn. Parental Alienation is not yet widely recognized, but should be. This has been an ongoing battle for 9 years. I just want to be a part of my daughter’s life. I am tired of not being informed of picture day or that my child is being baptized. I have a right to attend school functions, and I have a right to have my family be together during the holidays. I am asking that whoever receives this letter help me stand up for Father’s rights. Father’s are just as important as Mother’s.
Thank you,
Dana R. Deans
(832)717-5540