Walk a mile in their shoes...
The best way to answer these questions is for you to simply ask him?
However some insight.
Military may give you 30 days of leave, but actually taking it is a little harder, especially if you will be more than a certain radious from the base.
His family calling, sounds like he feels you wouldn't let him, but you would let his female family members. And since you went to court that even more solidifies his thinking.
No phone calls or letters, well he's FIVE doesn't exactly read or write, and as for the phone, I'll stereotype, Guys don't really like them (typically)My dad hates the phone I get the ritualistic happy holiday call. But that does not mean he doesn't love me.
Dad took the six weeks, so clearly he wants to be part of his life,
He made good attempts to call and either A. he was not getting through after a while, b. son stopped talking C. ran outof money d. Well again walk a mile, marine life can be demanding even stat side and somtimes for a NCP they just don't get around to calling. As a CP it is easy to say it would never happen, but give it time. or of course E. something else but only he can answer it.
Your son is content with the contact so let it be,
Your Husband needs to find a diffent name then DADDY for your son. You will only cause more confusion and by allowing it also solidifies my belief that no matter what your ex does you will never find him good enough.
Like it or not, your ex is his Daddy and birth father. Alieanating your son against him will only lead to additional trauma and you will cause great harm to him if he feels he can't love his father. At 5 he is mimicking his siblings or YOU.
As for the court saying dad had no chance of deployment, I find that hard to believe, and even if they Did they can change their minds at ANY TIME. and as I said before, just because you are stateside does not mean you are not on 24 hour duty shifts or 12 hours 3 days then 1 day off. They are undermanned all over.
You need to accept that your son has a different father than the rest of your children and when the name issues is mentioned, you simply explain he has a different dad. Don't complicate and don't dramatize it.
You also don't need court? Dad is excersing the visits you set up. You may want to consider setting a set phone visit, but again with being military it is diffucult to maintain a steady day and time.
And lastly you should read the FAQ to the left especially about the PAS. You need to be carefull of negative underhanded insults like Yeal gave you.
You may have already done quite a bit of damage, and your son may already feel like you won't allow him to love his father, this will only agravate the bi-bolar.
My Sd is now in residential treatment for her bi-polar and suicide attempt because her mother has done so much alienation and things like you are thinking. Only she said them, "you have new daddy now, you don't need your old one" "if you loved me you would stay her and not go see your dad" "I am so sorry you have to suffer and go visit dad for so long" " I don't know how I would kive without you" (side note this with mom's threats of killing hersef, really not good)
Now the other SD has been alieantated in fact she is so bad, she acuses My children of abusing her.
Adn before you jump on me too much that I can't possible understand. My 2 are also from divorce, dad prior military and now lives 2 states away, rarely calls in between and constently screws up but in my book only, my kids love him and he loves them, and me interfering with that due to selfishness, would only harm them.