11/99 - Met FOB online (he was in divorce proceedings)
12/99 - Met him face-to-face (we lived 5 hours apart)
1/00 - Met each others family (he has 3 kids b-g-b)
1/02 - His joint custody papers were granted
5/02 - His divorce was granted w/the exception of marital debts
During this whole time we would visit each other about 3 weekends a month and would talk on the phone/email/IM almost daily. It was during this time that I found Caring Dad's site. While here I asked for advice to help FOB with his kids and I gave advice from a sane mother's point of view. I divorced my son's father in 1993 and have encouraged a relationship between them. I promised myself in the beginning to never badmouth my ex to my son; that he will make his own decision about his dad and he has ALWAYS loved his dad. For the past 3-4 years my ex and I became good friends. So I wanted to do all I could to help FOB have access to his 3 kids.
7/02 - FOB and I got engaged and he moved into my home. Since this time he has continued to drive 5 hours one-way every-other-weekend to see his 3 kids. He expressed the desire to have more kids w/me.
11/04 - He moved out of my home. The stress of the continuing battle with his ex (it NEVER stopped - in the courtroom about once a month over the kids) on me was too much for him. The first time in his life that he lived alone (living w/parents - living w/army - living w/wife - living w/parents - living w/me)
1/05 - I hooked him up w/a lawyer (referred to me by an old family friend) about bankruptcy.
3/05 - Since the marital debts were NEVER discussed in ALL the courtroom appearances AND it's been over 2 years, he was able to file bankruptcy on ALL debts, including those in just her name.
6/05 - We learned of pregnancy
7/05 - He told his family on 7/15 and I have not heard ANYTHING from them to date. He came to my work (7/1) and quietly behind my desk asked me to marry him again - I didn't answer cause I was caught off guard and surprised. The next day I told him to ask me again OUTSIDE of my work, maybe something romantic. He never asked again. By the end of July I told him that I felt that he was ignoring me.
To make a long story longer . . . I supported him emotionally and at times financially for 5.5 years. I am a strong, independant woman. This was the first time in our relatinship that I tried leaning on him for support. He couldn't handle it. Instead he told me that I needed professional help and he couldn't trust me to keep the baby safe, which was in 8/05.
Those that know me, know that family is the most important thing to me, and I do believe that a child should have both parents as long as it's in the best interest of the child. I believe that I'm making the best decision for my daughter.
Sorry it's so long, but I get defensive when judged w/o facts. But I addressed the post to Caring Dad and Jim, because they remember me and some of what I've been through. lol Like trying to arrange a visit w/my son and his dad's wife #3 while his dad was in Korea (Air Force) and she would make excuses not to visit w/him. SIDE NOTE CD - They've been divorced over 3 years, no kids, he has since been transferred to CA from IL and he is still dealing w/the aftermath of the divorce. I've told him (and he agrees) that he chose the best wife (#1-that's me) to have a kid with.
Elizabeth
Southern Illinois