I do not discuss with my girls, or in front of them, any of my concerns about what is happening. There is nobody, who wants more than me, for this to all not be true so I am not eager to get them to say something prompted by my encouragement. I do, however, create a safe environment for them to talk about anything, really, and when my daughter asked me to kiss her vagina the other month, I reacted very calmly as to not scare her.
1. Sadly, I didn't know that pressing charges was part of what I needed to do to protect my kids or myself moving forward. Everything happened so fast and I just wanted to get us safe. I did obtain a PFA for 18 months that expired last July. don't want to influence them in any way.
2. One of the girlfriends is in hiding and can't be located. The other, whom I spoke with early in '04, though happily married now, is still not emotionally able to recover from the abuse and lives in CA. She is still terrified of him and begged me not to let him know that I talked to her because she still fears him coming after her.
3. Not a problem. Not only are my girls seeing a play therpist, the oldest has been checked out by a pediatric gynecologist about the fused labia, and I am in counseling (still) as well.
4. Have one already...I am getting assistance from Office of Vocational Rehab with tuition fees for school. They required a full psych and cognitive exam. I do have PTSD and Depression as a result of the abuse (which I already knew and that's why I am in counseling).
There really is no "dirt" that he could conjure up about me in the event that things progress to cloud the issue. I also have journals upon journals of documentation that I had started during the relationship in a diary for my peace of mind that apparently will help me now.
I already have some credibility built with the court for a few reasons. He was caught in many lies, the judge recognized my concern about my abuser's request of me to comply with him getting passports for my kids so he could take them to his home country, the Bahamas and did not grant it, and I had it put in that in any future issues about custody, I could offer the abuse examples I listed on my PFA.