And perhaps more importantly she can accept that the children enjoying their dad or his family is not a negative on her. Yes she will actually say to the kids after hearing them say something positive "so you don't love me anymore, you want to stay at your dads" . of course this is a small snipit of what she does.
Over the years the effects of this has done severe damage to the children and thier development. One has even spent months in a Long term care facility because things have become so bad. She rebels some of what mom does which makes her a bad child, she also has some mild learning disabilities and quite honestly isn't "smart". The youngest though is quite a bit smarter and observatant. She has learned over the years to tell mom horrible things about her stay her, and mom coddles her and gives her anything she wants. When she was released from the Pysch ward last summer and not coming out to dad's but staying at moms for "consistentcy of treatment and doctors" (BTW they have changed 3 times now) She recieved a new 27" flat screen tv for her room and about 20 DVD's and a dvd player.