I want my kids to see him for what he is so that they know what to avoid when they become women, for one thing.
For another thing, you are not recognizing that this man committed several violent crimes against me...and two other women, there is nothing to get over. I am no different than someone who was walking down the street and was assaulted, raped and mugged by a stranger...actually, I am different in the fact that when it is someone who is supposed to care for you who does those things, it is far more damaging. NOBODY in society expects someone to feel safe letting their children be around someone who does those things if they are a stranger...there shouldn't be the expectation that a women with children who is more intimately tied to a crime of that nature should "let it go,," As a society, we have been expecting something impossible and very, very unfair of women in my situation. It's not right. You know, I also have to worry about him being abusive to his new girlfriend (or plural because he feels the need to sleep with as many women as he can) in front of my kids. I don't want them exposed to violence of any fashion and I sure didn't escape the violence for them to see it again.....
This isn't about just "divorce" or a "nasty split"....we have been looking at these things all wrong. Our society has looked at abuse as "well, it MUST have been something she was doing to MAKE him do that..." No. This is wrong....the abuser makes a choice to abuse. It is purposeful and deliberate.
I should no more be told to get over it than any other victim of a crime who is still being harrassed and toyed with. I swear....I never knew this was how it REALLY was...I was like you guys...until it happened to me. I thought the same way you did and I was so, so wrong.