Was she asking something specific? How long have you guys been married? Are there any other children living with you right now? Are there any other children in BM's household right now?
WA recently had a case that went to our Supreme court where the child lived with the father and stepmother and two half siblings. The father died suddenly. The mother lived a little ways away and had a long distance relationship (they lived in WA she lived in OR - long distance, but driving distance).
BM refused to act in the boy's best interest and was not even going to let the boy attend his own father's funeral. She picked the boy up and then would not let him communicate or see his step mother or half siblings. Step mom filed a custody suit and won. The decision was later reversed by the WA Sup Ct.
The big difference in this case and yours is that the child does not have a relationship with his father. The boy in this case did have a bonded relationship with his mother.
I was just wondering if they where contacting your husband to see if he would let step dad adopt. Step dad would probobly be getting social security for the child, so loosing the child support would not really be a hardship for the family.
I can't imagine what kind of pain your husband's son will be living through after the loss of his mother at such a young age. If your husband was interested in helping his son get through this time, perhaps you guys could think about moving closer and establishing a relationship. Maybe step dad would be open to a shared parenting approach between the two families. It may help the boy who just went through loosing his mother if he felt like he was gaining another loving parent.
But to take an 8 year old boy who just lost his mother away from everyone he knows and loves would be quite devastating for him.
I think you need to talk to a lawyer. I am assuming step dad will be filing custody papers shortly. He'll probobly be named the child's custodian, your husband will continue to pay child support, and he'll get social security for the child. Complicated, messy, you need a lawyer in the state the child resides in.