I wanted to kick off a thread where people could come forward with any ideas they had of where parents, or children, or the family law were guilty of pulling in opposite directions.
I suppose we wouldn't be on this site if we hadn't experienced someone pulling our child away from us, or vice versa, or our child pulling away from us too, or the threat of that happening.
Still the idea is just throw in whatever ideas come into your head that might lead us somewhere.
Being the loving kind of guy I am at the end of this process I would like to see everyone get a bit closer together, if that is possible, and those with conflicting ideas find some kind of compromise both can be happy to follow.
To start things off I have some views taken from an email I've received from a well known campaigner for sole custody to remain the norm in family law.
I hope we can identify where the views given demonstrate someone who is likely to be having the effect of pulling our children away from us, or whose views might have that effect if listened to by custodial parents. I expect too that some of you will be surprised to hear these views. Even if we are surprised it doesn't mean we must ignore what is being said does it, it just means that there are some very conflicting views out there to deal with in family law (and then ignore them perhaps, as they probably do our cries that both parents are important).
Here we go then:
"Purpose of Parenting"
"The purpose of parenting is to become a visiting noncustodial parent of a healthy, happy, independent, and successful adult child. That's the end goal. And there are many decades beyond the childhood that goes by in a wink. There is no point to holding grudges, and there is no reason yet for regrets -- the story is not done."
"Love for our children"
"Sometimes adults are looking to get their needs for love and affection met by kids. Well our love and efforts are to get "paid forward" not back to us. If he/she is happy, healthy, and loved that is the only thing that is important. Really. Consider how many women have given up children for adoption. But just let go of the emotional angst. Grown children who have never even MET their birth parents frequently reach out to do so once they reach the age of majority."
"Father's first priority to mother"
"See what too many just refuse to accept is that the first and highest priority of a father is to his child's mother. If he has failed there, bifurcating the young from the mother as if they are not a familial unit in order to pretend that there's an independent relationship with the child is sheer lunacy. It flat-out doesn't work. Consider whether it would work for a, say teacher, or distant relative to have an independent relationship with a child in an intact household where there was no good relationship with the child's parents. Absurd. Well, when it comes to children, mother is to father as married parents are to third parties."
I look forward to your comments on this or anything else that comes to mind.
All the best, Graham