You've also heard from others who have said the "right" thing to do is to give her notice w/ a proposed parenting plan schedule due to the increased travel distance, but that it isn't required.
Everything else by anyone else who is not specifically familiar w/ your jurisdiction is speculation.
If I were you I would take lawmoe up on his offer and call him at his office, or call another local lawyer. Prepare a proposal and send it to her. Then move on.
Honestly unless you will seiously consider staying where you are now, further debate is useless. So talk to your husband - decide where you will live, and then work with the NCP. Forget that she's a flake.. you'll drive yourself nuts with that. Just offer her 50/50 with a schedule that is most fair to the kids (one that requires the least amount of travel by them). If she grows up and puts her kids first, she'll use the time and the kids will benefit. If she remains a flake, she won't use the extra time, but at least you know you've done the right thing by the kids.
JMHO of course.