Edited extract:
DIVORCE AND SEPARATION
Australian research indicates that divorce is rated as one of the most distressing life events for men and women. Separation because of marital difficulties is rated lower, but still a very distressing experience on par with having an abortion-miscarriage or continuous financial problems (NHMRC, Rodgers 1995)
Children and mothers have traditionally been the focus of research on well-being after divorce, whereas only limited attention has been paid to the distress of fathers following divorce (Stone, 2001).
Divorced men have a shorter life expectancy – that is die earlier - than those men who have not experienced a relationship breakdown.
Family law has been a longstanding problem area for separated fathers, (raised as long ago as in submissions to the 1991 Federal parliamentary committee).
Some of issues include problems of access to children, court proceedings, maintenance and even false allegations of abuse (as documented by Green), being encountered by large numbers of separated fathers.
Green as a QC, is very critical of the Family Court system describes it as, 'depressing, divisive, hostile and costly' (1998, xi), and
- The 'father is seen as the disposable parent',
- Fathers are usually allowed little more than fortnightly contact with their children.
The Central Coast Health Service conducted a men's issues phone-in in 1999. It received 100 calls about major issues in the men’s lives affecting their health,
- 57% of the callers were aged 25-44 years and 38% were unemployed;
- Family law problems were the most common issue - for over 50% of callers,
- Specifically, separation-divorce and financial problems,
- Main issue for callers was around fulfilling involvement with their children,
- Half of the financial problems related to issues of child support, settlement and legal fees to gain child access.
A great many of these men were upset about the loss of their children, many expressed extreme frustration at how little support they received in their attempts to maintain on-going relationships with their children, despite in some cases attempts by mothers to cut them off.
Small scale US research of low-income young fathers (under 30) reported similar problems with custody, access and financial family law matters (Lehr &Macmillan 2001).
Another small scale American study shows that conflict over custody arrangements affect fathers' sense of well-being after divorce. However, clarity about the father's post-divorce role and subsequent satisfaction, as well as a new relationship, have been identified as factors that positively contribute to a separated fathers' well-being (Stone 2001).
SEPARATED FATHERS AND SUICIDE
At the Men's Health Conference in 2001, it was suggested by the then assistant director of the Federal Men & Family Relationships' program, that one separated man commits suicide each day (Orkin 2001), there are many anecdotal stories of recently separated men taking their lives.
Research by Cantor on suicides in Qld over 1990–2, shows that separated men are 6 times more likely to suicide than married men, and this was greatest in the age group upto 29 years.
Separated males aged 30-54 are 12 times more likely to suicide than separated women. But divorce, in contrast to separation, doubled the risk for females of the 30-54 age group (Cantor & Slater 1995).
They comment that, ‘males may be particularly vulnerable to suicide associated with interpersonal conflict in the separation phase’.
The Qld Health Suicide Research Project is a study of some 2600 suicides in Qld for 1990-95.
In a sub-group (n=294) that reported on relationship separation and length of time, 73% of suicides occurred within one month of the relationship change.
It concluded that, 'separated martial status is a major risk factor for males', (Baume, Cantor, Taggart 1998).
US-Canadian military studies have documented that relationship problems are by far the most common obvious precipitant of male suicide (Canetto & Sakinofsky 1998).
US Air Force study in 1988, reported that relationship problems seemed to be associated with 94% of Air Force personnel suicides. Sakinofsky found that relationship problems were the apparent leading ‘cause’ of 72.7% of Canadian military suicides. These authors attributed these findings to the male cultural scripts about gender and suicide operating in the military (1998, 18).
ASSISTANCE AND WAYS OF COPING
With regard to separation, it is generally considered that women rather than men are more likely to seek help and emotional support from friends, doctors, psychiatrists, religious counsel and marriage guidance groups. One Family Court report stated that a considerable proportion of men may turn to less 'interpersonal' sources of comfort, such as their job, hobbies, other interests and alcohol (Bordow 1992).
A National Health & Medical Research Council report suggests that alcohol consumption is high in divorced and separated men. Rodgers refers to a study in the Hunter region of NSW, that found 26% of divorced-separated men were high-risk drinkers, compared with 6.1% of married men (1995, 109).
Counselling services for those in martial separation are available through the Family Court and voluntary groups. However research for the Federal Attorney-General's Department showed men reluctant to use such services, among some reasons being a belief that counselling 'doesn't work', and the services are really for women (Donovan 1998).
At the recent national Men’s Health Conference, there was some debate about the ‘malefriendliness’ and suitability of counselling for men – this is an issue that needs exploring.
SOCIETAL ROLE OF FATHERS
Some writers on men’s issues such as Peter West of UWS point to the marginal role fathers are generally accorded in family settings including the family law system – ‘disposable dads’.
Certainly in much research, and many public reports and public programs, the term ‘families’ is code for mothers and children.
Some examples: A research report of Family Action Centre at Uni of Newcastle, on Fathers’ Access to Family-Related Services, talks about the invisibility of fathers.
It observes, ‘studies that purport to examine the needs of families, parents or consumers frequently concentrate solely on the needs of mothers’ (Fletcher 2001, 13).
The federal Department of Family and Community Services released a useful report in 1999, yet its title – Fitting Fathers into Families, –implies that fathers presently have to be re-shaped and re-worked to ‘fit into the family’.
The report prepared by Graeme Russell, included a random telephone survey of 1000 fathers, and a review of ideas about fatherhood among family service providers and professionals.
Some key findings:
- paid work is a major barrier for fathers to be an effective parent,
- 68% said they did not spend enough time with their children,
- about 50% of fathers report having extremely warm, close relationships with their children,
- 48% of professionals consulted in the study believed that upto 24% of fathers physically abuse their children, and, 31% of professionals believed the same number sexually abuse their children.
The report's conclusions included that:
- many family service providers- professionals ‘hold unduly negative views of fathers’.
- ‘Being a father is challenging yet relatively unsupported in contemporary Australia, and the role of fathers remains stereotypically gendered’.
SERVICES FOR SEPARATED FATHERS - MEN IN CRISIS
Recently separated fathers are a high risk group for suicide and self-harm. The period immediately after separation is the most difficult time for such men. But, look in the telephone directory for services for separated fathers – virtually all the services are for women.
The Federal Department of Family and Community Services has funded some pilot services under the Men and Family Relationships initiative, principally focussed upon relationship counselling, education, parenting skills with an aim to reduce domestic violence.
MensLine Australia, a 24 hour family telephone counselling service was established in September 2001, by a community group with funding of $1.6m from the Federal program. It seeks to assist separated men, and men having relationship difficulties with partners, children and ex-partners. In the first six months of operation relationship issues accounted for 71% of its calls.
Society’s response to the issue of separated fathers
The way in which our services deal with separated fathers should be seen within the broader context of how the wider society sees them and values them, or, as is generally the case, ignores them. We in the Men’s Health Information and Resource Centre suggest that a salutogenic perspective is an essential element of a population health approach. By this we mean the inverse of a pathogenic perspective – the focus on the pathological and pathogenic, sickness.
In the case of boys and men this means the usual focus on disease by the medical profession but a considerable emphasis from the world of psychology on boys and men behaving badly:
ADHD, male violence and the like.
What we have seen of both society’s and many structural responses to separated fathers suggests a distinctly pathologising approach, either deliberately or through omission, that is to say, by ignoring their needs and even rights.
We need to build a service approach which moves away from this pathologising perspective, to build on what is health seeking in males and provide environments, including health service environments which foster their health and well being.
OBSERVATIONS AND CONCLUSIONS
The importance of a father in the lives of children has been well documented by local researchers such as Russell and Edgar.
We suggest there is clearly a need to re-examine community health and counselling services to establish ways to make them more appealing and suitable to men of all ages;
- One such example being Lifeline Melbourne. In this program, men’s psychological needs and culture were taken as starting points of a male-friendly counselling service,
- moving away from a “well, you know what men are like” approach.
We must help create a society that fosters the health (is salutogenic) for all its members. It is to be hoped that society at large will begin to adopt a more inclusive view of families. This would mean, not just taking the attitude that men have to do more for families,
- but that our society has to be organised in such a way that enables men to play a role and that that role is acknowledged.
This presentation has been on the health of the fathers’ rather than the children, though both are, of course, interlinked. We must object to post-divorce arrangements that allow the children to become needlessly distant from their father.
- The mental health of the father must become a consideration – they are not ‘disposable dads’.
A FINAL COMMENT
We have here, as so often in the neglected area of mental health, an issue that links justice, human rights and the mental health of separated men. Such men are at risk of poor mental health.
It is important to challenge policies and practices that ignore men’s rights of contact and involvement with their children. It is time for changes to such policies and practices to facilitate fathers’ continued contact with their children.
10 October 2002/
DC:JJM