I am a bit reluctant to tell you all on this forum (because I've had some advice telling me my daughter must be "ill" for having rejected me for so long, or else suffering anyway), but I met my daughter after an eleven year exclusion yesterday.
Here is the account I gave of the experience on another forum (NANCM):-
You are going to find my description of meeting my daughter after eleven years of exclusions from her life rather strange or indeed sad (especially if you know my story to date).
We shook hands, and spent about an hour and a half together along with my parents looking at family videos, or we listened whilst my father teased my daughter about her boyfriend (a German guy - he hasn't forgiven them for the war he said - she only laughed at this fortunately).
I told her when she came to leave that I was going to say something "funny" - and then told her "Not to leave it as long next time," (before coming to visit again - intended to be an ironic reference to the eleven year gap) - she didn't appear to be troubled by that either.
My father offered her a kiss as she left and then asked her whether she would give me one, but she didn't appear too keen on that idea so it just was allowed to pass (my dad had to try to find her reaction I think - the crafty monkey).
There were a few extra details you might find of some interest:-
My daughter rang my parents on Friday to say she wished to visit them the following day.
My parents decided the following morning to ring and tell her I was staying at their home, so that she could decide whether she still wished to come over (last time this happened two years ago she refused any contact with me, saying it was because her mother was against it). She at first said it was okay that I was going to be there, during her visit to meet with my parents that day, but rang back later to change the day so that she came today (Sunday) - citing her own mother's birthday as being the reason - she knew this obviously before making the original arrangement for Saturday.
Then she arrived later in the day (today) than expected although she did ring my mother again to tell her not to wait for her before having lunch.
Finally she spent about five minutes in her car outside my parents house before leaving on a three and a half hour drive back to college - I guess she was ringing someone on her mobile (her mother, would be my thought).
You may be shocked at the dispassionate way I'm relating all this to you, but please remember that my daughter was not actually visiting me, just my parents, and I did not expect her to try to re-establish any kind of direct contact with me thereafter (as indeed she didn't). It simply means that if I happen to be at my parents house next time she chooses to visit them then it should not create any difficulties for either of us.
So I remain "estranged" from my child if no longer alienated or hated by her - equally I felt as though I was meeting a relative stranger too (sorry if that upsets you).
There are many good sides to this story too - my daughter was very easily moved to laughter by my parents, especially my dad, and behaved impeccably well towards us all.
This is my first post on this "reunion" on any of the forums I use - maybe I come here for the female point of view but also because I respect your opinions even when I don't agree with them.
All the best, Graham
P.S. I went to visit a couple of my sisters after my daughter's visit - luckily I managed to deflate the huge unnecessary bubble being blown up about the meeting by my mother (my mother suffers from narcissitic personality disorder - so winds us siblings up very easily sometimes).