My husband has 3 sons by previous marriage. They divorced, after 15 years, in 2000. In April 2001, he and I had a daughter. We could not get married for financial reasons, so we lived apart, while continuing as a couple. His ex wife remarried in 2003, and has a very comfortable life, as she got the house, which was almost paid for, and $900 a month in child support. Her income and that of her new husband's was all 'play money'. By the way, they had co-habitated from the very day she separated from my husband. He paid his support, while forced to live in a single wide trailer in a trailer park, and never missed a payment. Then, in July 2005 he suffered a stroke, which was discovered was one of 3 strokes he had suffered but the other 2 were 'mini' strokes. He was in the hospital nearly 9 days. Until this point, he did his bi weekly visitation with the kids, paid his support, maintained insurance on them, and paid all the expenses while they were with him during visitation. As soon as he left the hospital, while suffering memory loss and other residual effects of his stroke, I assisted him in filing a motion to modify his support as short term disability was only 1/3 of his regular pay. His ex actually showed up in court to fight it. She almost won, but when I urged my husband to request a 'deviation', the judge had some sympathy, and ordered a temporary order of $150 a month for 4 months then reverts back to original order. During this time the ex didn't allow the kids to see their dad much. I was faced with caring for him, he was on many medications and had a PICC line in his arm, and at the same time I had to work to support my own family, which consisted of not only the daughter we shared, but I had 6 other children too. So, in January 06 his order went back to the $900 and against medical advice, he went back to work. Thankfully, his coworkers felt sorry for him and helped him through, and sort of 'carried him' since he really was unable to perform his job with the accuracy he used to have (he was an industrial electrician). Not long after that, his company announced that they were laying off 80% of their workforce and he would be on permanent layoff in June 06. Now, he has still been battling visitation issues. As soon as his layoff started, his arrears started. Unemployment was less than half his previous salary, and child support was quick in attaching that as well. He tried to modify his order, without an attorney, and his ex showed up with an attorney and his motion was dismissed. His previous earning capacity was gone due to his stroke, of course he could get a good job with his past experience, but holding on to it proved a hard task since he couldn't remember how to do the things he used to do so well. We got married in Sept 06, for the sole purpose of helping him obtain medical insurance sine he lost his job (and COBRA was astronomical)and his medical condition had to be monitored, and i could add him as my spouse onto my insurance through my employer. We continued to live separate, with separate residences and he NEVER paid any of my expenses. He got another job in November 06, and in Feb 07 tried to go back to court to modify again, as his oldest son turned 19 and graduated the year before. Still, no visitation with the kids. Again, she had an attorney, he did not, and his motion was dismissed. Still paying $900 monthly in support, barely able to pay his own bills. He reluctantly retained an attorney, using a credit card and it cost him $2500 initially, and never saw a day in court and the lawyer said the retainer was all used and he needed to remit more money. By April 07, he lost the job he got in Nov 06. By June 07 the county tax collector had levied his bank account and drained it of the remaining $683 he had left. He had a temp job through an employment service in May and got another job in June. His ability to focus and function in the manner he was used to is gone. He is now over $5500 in arrears and the ex's lawyer just sent a notice of hearing on failure to pay support. Still, no visits with the kids. The two left on the order are 12 and 13 years old. The court NEVER made any adjustment to allow for the 19 year old to come off, so literally he still pays for that child. She lives well, and in our opinion, is simply trying to destroy my husband as a point of revenge. He has refused to apply for disability, citing that he has worked all his life and he's not going to sit at home and die.
All this time, I never asked for support for our child, I never forced him to pay any of her expenses, and although we are married, we still live separate from each other. I have helped him with paying some of his bills, while still supporting my own kids and myself, while watching his ex wife and her new husband buying 2 new cars, motorcycles, dirt bikes for the kids, furniture, home improvements, trips to Hawaii and Disneyland, etc etc etc. He lives alone in a trailer, with nothing in his refridgerator and has never taken a vacation, while I, the mother of 7 kids, assist in supporting him so he can support them.
