The next 3 years mom spent brainwashing my husband's daughter (I personally think alientation happens more often with a mom and a daughter then a mom and sons). By the time mom filed to relocate next time my step daughter was fully on board to fight the battle for and with her mother.
Step daughter relocated 3 years ago. She is on the computer alot so I instant message her. She doesn't really share much exept about her social life (she is 13) and sports. My husband is not computer savy and so the IM thing doesn't work for him. He has given up and now tries to accept his daughter as an occassional visitor in his life. But at least there is some thread.
WA has a state law that says that long distance travel expenses have to be split in the same % as the child support order. Stupidest law ever and I have written many laws to get it changed.
She is the one causing the expense, she should pay the expense.
My husband gets SD no later than the 2nd day school lets out each summer until 2 weeks before school goes back. He gets every spring break, the full winter break in even years and 1/2 in odd, and any Thanksgiving break he wants to pay the travel expenses himself (really expensive to travel around Thanksgiving...we have only done it once).
It works out to an average of about 90 days a year. He had about 130 before she moved.
I would push to win, especially if the boys want to stay with you. But keep in mind what you would settle for. When you get to the pre-trial mediation or settlement hearing, perhaps she will give in.
Mom in our case offered to pay travel expenses in full herself to avoid having to do a psych eval. My husband's pride got in the way and he would not settle. He wanted it in writing what a psycho she was. She had already been ordered to anger management and wouldn't go and was an admitted alcoholic (but said she didn't drink anymore...she sure does now!), but I guess he wanted more proof.
The psych eval was not good. Said she had an emeshed relationship with SD that was damaging to SD, that she acts impulsively without regard to SD's best interest, which was also damaging. But, in the end the guardian ad litem still recommmended to allow the move if Bio Mom and SD continued counseling after the move.
My husband decided that all this was too damaging for SD and that since SD was insistent that she wanted to stay with her mother that he would settle and not fight it in court any longer.
BM did agree to pay for 2 years travel expenses in order to settle the thing, but they did settle at the pre-trial hearing. My husband cried. His attorney was surprised because he thought it was a good deal. I told him my husband felt like he was loosing his daughter at age 10. The attorney said, well we all have to let them go sooner or later.
You push hard so you can win, or at least get a good settlement. Ask for a visitation similar to what my husband got (BM originally offered 4 weeks in the summer and every other christmas), her to pay all the travel expenses (including the unaccompanied minor fees or for the person who is escorting them both ways..which should be her), for you to have specific days and times that you talk to the kids "phone visits" and/or that she be required to keep a computer, internet and a video cam so that you can have "computer visits" (there are websites that facilitate this also), that you be allowed to travel there to see them anytime with a 2 week notice....If you settle you have to think it through and get every detail in writing.
We spent about $15,000. She hired 2 separate attorneys and spent over $30,000 on our case. (she also waged battle trying to get custody of her other two small children she had left before and spent another $20,000 and did not win).
Good Luck. It's hard I know, but you never know if she will back down or give up.
You could offer her a very generous custody arrangement (one similar to what you would be seeking) if she leaves the kids with you, pay no child support and she just has to pay the travel espenses. Promise to send her letters, pictures, reports and such on a weekly or bi-weekly basis in addition. Who know, after the court battle has raged for awhile, she just might take it. Maybe new guy gets tired of all this and will convince her that a new life with just her, him and their babies would be better then spending all this money on a court battle.
Is he financing her court battle? Is there a guardian ad litem assigned to the case yet? Talk to you later :)