The situation is my daughter, her husband and 3 children live in New Mexico. I live in Tennessee.
My daughter and her husband are going to get a divorce. It's been on and off for some time but looks like it really is going to happen now.
This summer my daughter brought the kids for a vacation and she brought her mother-in-law too. This was strange as we were under the impression they couldn't stand each other. The mil wanted to come so I said of course she can come. The daughter and mil started fighting (loud yelling) after they had been here about a week. All the mil did while she was here was take pain pills and sleep most of the day..and be up half the night with our 7 yr old grand-daughter. This was the first time we had ever met her. We did not know how emotionally unstable she was prior to this visit. She left in tears that day and left our daughter here with the kids and no transportation home. We gave our daughter a car to get back home.
We also concentrated more on the little girl after the mil left. This is a sick woman and part of the screaming that day was at this 7 year old. She had her this baby in tears when she was screaming "it is all your fault for telling things I told you in secret". Apparently she had told the little girl that her daddy was going to divorce my daughter and get her a better Mommy. She also tells her all her problems because (mil's words while crying hysterically) she hasn't got anybody else to talk too. And she added "her family doesn't even talk to her." It's sad when your grand-daughter's conversations are about how she doesn't know who will go to sleep (die) first her Oma or her Opa..but this is the kind of conversations this woman has with her.
When she called and wanted to talk to the grand-daughter after she left I told her she is welcome to call anytime before 9:30 pm. I added that if she gets this little girl crying on the phone (like she did when she was here) that the phone call was over. It's fine to call and talk about the child's day but she isn't your best friend and you shouldn't be telling her your problems or the problems with her parents (our kids). That is the only stipulation I put on it.
I know this is a sick woman, but I also know that there are a lot of mean people in this world and she does love this granddaughter more than life. I would never try to take that relationship away (sick as she is the grand-daughter loves her too).
The oldest child my husband and I have had on and off every year. He is brilliant (we homeschool). We were shocked when we sat down with our granddaughter after the mil left to find she can't read. She stumbles through the earliest books. She also has some speech problems, sucks her thumb and wet the bed she slept in with the mil. I then convinced my daughter to let her stay and let us try to homeschool her with her brother. I felt like we owed it to her. She is so far behind and even told us she thinks she is the worst reader in the school. I told my daughter I don't want her growing up (still having problems) and want to know why I never taught her like I did her brother. My daughter called her husband and he agreed over the phone to let her stay.
When the daughter got home without the grand-daughter, the mother in law lost it. The mil is livid. She sees this as a ploy on our part to take the child from her. I truly saw it as an act of support and love to try and help her. It isn't easy to spend as much one on one time with her as she needs. In part we feel guilty that we didn't know the situation before now and we have dedicated ourselves to teaching her this year. Meanwhile the mil got into her son's head and the next thing we know they have filed some kind of emergency custody paper. It says we are not letting them have contact and the kids are not in school. This is bull, they all talk to them whenever they call..so it's an absolute lie. This woman is nuts but she has controlled her son (only child) all of his life. It seems that she promised him a motorcycle to get the grand-daughter back. As far as not being in school, they aren't in public school but I enrolled them in a Home School program. I also called the grand-daughter school and told them she is here. They are also attending Children's Church and Sunday School (something they never did before).
My daughter told me her husband is still coming to get the grand-daughter but he told her after he got her home they could file a motion and file for her to be able to return . This makes no sense to me. He is leaving New Mexico to come and get her TOMORROW! I have no idea what is going on or what the mil is trying to pull. I think she is planning on whisking the grand-daughter away (she is originally from Panama). I greatly resent the blatent lies about us not allowing contact. The truth is when she found out we could care less if she calls she has missed calling at times she promises the grand-daughter she will. Any ideas or suggestions would be appreciated.