Dentist - You stated that the Judge ruled on this. As a general rule, at least here, simple appointments do not require consent or even notice, but it would be nice. If the judge ruled on it, then there is an obligation
Activities - I disagree on this. It should be information shared and a joint decision. I agree that precluding it after the fact without a good reason would be setting yourself up.
I understand the issues are difficult, but document the issue and I agree that you must choose battles wisely. Don't make it a control issue even though it appears to be so inthe other direction.