I understand that the father isn't using all of the parenting time that he has requested. Still, he does do every other weekend so when you say you have the boy 100% of the time, do you understand why you come off as too degrading? If it was 100% of the time, then that would mean that he NEVER sees the child at all. So if you exaggerate on this, you lose credibility.
Not being able to afford a sitter is never an excuse not to work. No sitter costs more than a paycheck. If babysitting cost more than a paycheck, then nobody would ever work if they have one child, let alone three or four kids.
If you think you are the first person to have to balance work and child care concerns, let me enlighten you. You are SO lucky you have free rent, utilities and groceries, PLUS a former boyfriend sending you money without being court-ordered to do so.
Most of us were in a much worse situation and got through it. When my ex left me to raise two young children, she put two liens on my house, maxed my credit cards and took out a couple of large loans in my name before she drove off in the new car. I had to get a different job at a huge paycut to be home in the evenings and weekends. Child support? Ha! It was 6 years before I saw my first dollar of it. I didn't have family to fall back on. Laying on the couch all day was not an option.
No doubt, when you pay a babysitter you feel like you make less money than your childless co-workers, but you should have thought of that before you had relations with a man you weren't married to. Did your mother teach you the facts of life? You knew the risks but you don't want to pay the consequences. At least the father is stepping up to the plate and working.
If it just isn't in you to be responsible for your own financial burdens let alone the monetary needs of your child you brought into the world, then at least realize this: If the father has money for a lawyer and you don't, you will soon be ordered to pay child support to a son who lives in another state.
Save up the whopping buck fifty to pay a sitter for a week and get to work. You tried ONE time to get the father to watch the boy and it didn't work. Join the club and keep trying. Get a job, get a lawyer and keep the father from moving the boy away from you.
Part of winning custody will be your attitude toward the father. The judge frowns on the kind of negativity you have shown. Your son will do much more than frown.
Are you keeping a journal? The kinds of things the father is doing could really hurt him in divorce court if you can show a pattern with a journal. Keep records of dates and specific incidents that relate to the care of your child. No emotion, just facts. The journal becomes an accepted record of events in court and means a lot more than he said, she said.
Sara, you seem like you have a good case. Don't blow it. Listen to the advice here.