"Contact centre Saturday was awful! Partner's ex wife, Cafcass and 11 year old stepdaughter (sd) all sat in a room for 2 hours. SD very rude and disrespectful. Her words were I might want to see you in two months or it could be two years. Mother made it clear that daughter should choose what she wants. Sd very rude to Cafcass officer and then started saying if I see him he might hit me because of things I have said!!!!!! Partner said his daughter is unrecognisable and he couldnt believe how she was. Is it time to walk away?"
More background:-
"The Father saw his daughter every week for nine and a half years, UNTIL he asked if she could start to stay overnight THEN contact stopped. The MOTHER said she doesn't want to see you anymore, my partner tried everything other than court to try and continue contact. It wasn't just letters that she did not recieve, it was phone calls, offers of daytime contact only, alternative options of seeing his daughter even including his ex wife being there."
"The contact centre also allows the power to lie with the child, in fact my sd is now saying I can leave after 5 mins if I choose to. How about "your behaviour is irrational and dad has done nothing for you to behave in this manner so you can sit and play a game with dad or have a chat"
A woman came forward to offer these highly "challenging" views:-
"You think the daughter will not have been hurt by Dad not trying to see her for two years? You think that's fine? That the child won't have been affected by that?
He alienated himself and only wrote letters and cards not knowing if she got them.
If he can't see it, he will never be able to put it right. Not trying to see your child face to face for two years was hurtful and damaging even if he didnt hit her or be directly nasty or cruel to her."
Those views received the following response:-
"If you had read ALL my posts you wouldn't need to ask me such questions. The Father did not walk away from his child for two years.
The only fault here is that my partner did not run off to court but TRIED his hardest to continue contact in other ways."
Graham's comments:-
I believe the challenging views the woman came forward with are maybe significant, because they may display a wider prejudice at work.
Alternatively the woman could be a crackpot, as she was roundly condemned by quite a few forum members. She wasn't completely stupid though, not by any means and kept on emphasising the needs of the child concerned and the catastrophic consequences likely to ensue if the father didn't pursue his relationship with his child no matter what was thrown at him (and she wasn't the only one to be saying that on the forum of course).
My insight from this thread was that she delighted in blaming the father for his predicament, getting a kick out of being able to do it. She wasn't afraid to "play dirty" and she won't be the only one prepared to use such tactics will she. How low can you stoop is a question for anyone entering the family law arena isn't it? Will you lie, falsify or mislead in statements or reports, alienate the child or vie for affection to the detriment of the other parent - all these things come up so often don't they - you could even say "do you care enough to lie in order to preserve your position in your child's life?" How many of us could do that perhaps?
I'm convinced "we" (us fathers) are being "fooled" in the family law arena - maybe that's an uncontroversial thing to say here, but when there are women out there prepared to condemn a dad without any real evidence, and I supect relishing the feeling of power over him/us that gives her, then this isn't going to go away until her like are recognised and the law changed to more adequately cope with that kind of thing. I don't even think you can say it is a "feminist" agenda at work although the withdrawl of the father's standing and respect in the family courts generally is going to be due to this to some extent, if only because we're likely to come up against feminist court welfare personnel or other professionals.
The father featured in the above thread hasn't come forward to express his views on the forum concerned, and his new partner who is giving us all this insight (and who has been on the forum herself for nine months apparently), says he is trying to get on with his life as best he can whilst the court battle continues. I haven't assessed her views on family law, and she's probably got enough to cope with looking after her own three children, without getting too much advice thrown at her. I have tried to tell her to accept that it is for the father to make his own decisions though, and for her to take a background or supporting role, in case she's in danger of getting carried away with it all.
Finally I wanted to just throw in that I'm reading a biography on Germaine Greer at the moment, and am learning all kinds of challenging philosophies there as you can imagine (- I hope to give you some snippets when I've completed the book).
Graham